She White Washed Her Instagram

Are you familiar with the type of person that claims to want to help minorities in particular people of color. I know of one such person, Ivy. She operates a bookstore and, until recently, only dated men of color. There was one such man of color whom she dated and who passed away. I am not aware of the circumstances. Every year on the anniversary of his passing she would post how much this man meant to her and that he taught her everything she needed to know in life and that she would forever be grateful to him and love him always.

So that was one man of color. There were many others too.  

The bookstore even hosted a book club where we read a number of books including a particular book which spoke of issues of race, Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult (I highly recommend it), and she asked what she should do if she likes men of color? In other words, how might her interest in men of color impact her future, what might it be like raising a child of color if she elected to go down that road.

Well sign me up! Let me tell you all about being a person of color and attending mostly white schools and the experiences I have had, and the experiences my brother and family have had. Let me tell you what it was like to be called the N-word in 2nd grade by  Christina Tanelli. Let me tell you what it was like to have Mrs. Dean, my kindergarten teacher, give my bracelet left on the cubby closet hook, to none other than  Christina Tanelli (tune into next week’s podcast for more on Christina Tanelli).

I spent countless hours providing material for Ivy. Emails, podcasts, reading recommendations and I even offered up my sisters-in-law who have mixed children. I told her to feel free to connect with my family; they can provide insight on what your future might look like if you marry a man of color and have children.

The emails I shared were long and detailed. The podcast recommendations were honest and thoughtful. I was educating a person who told me that she would never not support people of color. It was nice to have an advocate. I was happy to provide guidance and recommendations; I was happy to educate. I always encourage, and try myself, to see life experiences from another point of view. I remember the famous Atticus Finch quote from To Kill A Mockingbird: “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view…until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” I wanted Ivy to walk around in the skin of people of color, and she seemed to embrace this notion; until she did not.

I saw a post on social media and Ivy was engaged. I was so happy for her.  She had found true love.  The man she was engaged to, and now married to, is not a man of color; and that is fine. What is most important is that she is happy.  I was surprised to learn from someone that she had completely cleansed her Instagram of all posts featuring people of color. This does seem quite odd. Does marrying a non-person of color mean that you have to erase all of the people of color from your Instagram even including the Black Out Tuesday to honor George Floyd? I guess it does. I’ve also heard, again I do not like to rely on hearsay though note this is a reliable and trustworthy source, that she has made disparaging comments about people of color. If true, it would be most unfortunate and disappointing. How can someone go from swearing by always supporting people of color to the complete opposite end of the spectrum? Was the original interest sincere? Did Ivy feign empathy?

I am tired of people using people, especially people of color, for their own benefit, and not because it is what your heart truly believes. Lessons learned for me, perhaps. Click here if you would like to see the emails I shared with Ivy where I outline how one can assist those who are marginalized. If Ivy is no longer interested in these causes as Atticus Finch said: “Before I can live with other folks I’ve got to live with myself,” she has to live with herself.

Sweet Dreams,

Ava  

Back to Sweet Dreams