Dear Grandparents – Thanks but No Thanks.

I love to give gifts. Ask anyone in my family. I love to get to know people and give them a gift that is uniquely them. It brings me joy, much like listening to Beethoven’s Ninth. I spoil my niece and nephew. That’s what Aunties do though correct me if I’m wrong. I love to see the faces of my friends and family when they open their uniquely them gifts. Last Christmas I purchased Liberty Puzzles for my sister-in-law and nephew and my friends Suzy and David whom we met traveling in the Emirates. Liberty puzzles are the wooden ones with interestingly shaped pieces. If you uploaded a photo, Liberty would reproduce the photo as a puzzle. So I did. One puzzle featured Erin and Andrew in front of Big Ben and the other puzzle featured Suzy and David and my husband and I in front of the Grand Mosque in Abu Dhabi. Both parties loved their puzzles, and I loved seeing how happy the gifts made them.

Fast forward to just a few weeks ago and shortly after my husband’s near-death experience. Okay, he fainted but for me, and for us, we consider it a near death experience.

We were advised that while very much appreciated, could we please not give so many gifts to my husband’s grandchildren as they want the grandchildren to have an appreciation of gifts and when we travel and/or give gifts at the holidays, it is too much. Well those were not the exact words but that is how I read it and how it was received. For clarity, we send gifts up north a few times a year, maybe 2 or 3 times and we give gifts at the holidays. We started this gift giving as any grandparent might do by sending books, educational, or fun decorative Band-aides. When we travel we like to pick up things for the 5- and 3-year-old. Who doesn’t? A soccer jersey and matching shorts in Colombia; a soccer jersey from Morocco during the World Cup; outfits from Just Hatched, and of course toys though toys that are designed to promote learning including a few toys from the Obama Foundation, age appropriate and created to enhance knowledge, Legos and an eco-friendly toolbox of kids’ tools complete with carrying toolbox.

Imagine being told that the only way the children will learn to appreciate things is by not receiving gifts. Now, I do not have children, as noted I’m an Auntie. I’m not teaching children how to be grateful and yet I think in some small way I am. We are not sending boxes every week, we are not spending exorbitant amounts of money on gifts, we see things, for example at the toy store in Great Barrington, and we think the 5-year-old would like this or the 3-year-old would like that and we buy the item. Is it not the parents responsibility to teach their children how to be appreciative.

I had to ask myself am I doing these children a disservice by buying them toys and clothing? Isn’t that what Aunties and Grandparents are supposed to do. I recall the joy my mother felt just spending time with her grandchildren and of course spoiling them. I can’t imagine my brother would ever tell my parents not to give his children gifts, never mind after a near death experience.

As I do not have children I like to think that everyone has something to contribute including those of us that are childless. Nothing like having that belief quashed.

Sweet Dreams,

Ava

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